I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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