You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
