fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
