Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
