So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
