Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
