Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Boobs speak an international language.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
