I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
