oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
be right there i have to get my cape
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
