Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My bed smells like the plague
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
