you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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