sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize