Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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