hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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