i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
