that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Less talking, more tequila
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
