i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
