It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
