and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Screwed.edu
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Farmville is her only friend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
