I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize