just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I looked at my own cervix.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
