things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
