Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
