I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
