also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
