dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
