just come out here and I will go home with you...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
