It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I die, sorry about rent.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
