This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
