you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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