1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
