You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
