Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
