how can u be prego again
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
