it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
