based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
