You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
