just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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