Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
