I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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