Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
