So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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