I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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