he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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