Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
