"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
