nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
