now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
