He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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