Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
