I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
