I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
