Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
