So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
