Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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