his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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