I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
