..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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