i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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