dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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