My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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