I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
