when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
