I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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