Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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