I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No subtext here. People are naked.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
