So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
