I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
