This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
