It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
