either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
