we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
