Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
