I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
