I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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